GRAY ASYLUM - item asylum during Roblox downtime

hi everyone!!

i was in a public match in ia when roblox went down!! all our avatars turned into gray blocky ones and things stopped loading it was really funny

i don't really have anything else to say abt this.. um i can plug my discord server again!!
discord.gg/JbTSQ3JQX4

i have given myself until july 2nd to complete ia gifts video.. i have a vacation coming up and i can't miss it.. it lasts for nearly the entire month.. i am going to miss out on an update most likely too.. oh well!! i need a break anyway

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can i just use the rest of this space to vent?? probably yeah its my video

this year and some part of the past year i've gotten a habit of comparing myself to others. other people who are better or worse than me.. i always think i have to be the best. it gets me the most attention. i love praise, i love it alot.. i keep trying to be the best. i put so much effort into what i do that i get tired sometimes and distressed. but in reality there will always be people better than me

thats probably why i ramped up the quality of my stuff ever since the prun solos.. i just HAVE to be the definitive youtuber.. and i cant.. ofc theres ppl greater than me. i really want to stop. this mindset is hurting me. i get so much stress out of it. whenever i see someone get tons of views instead of congratulating them i envy them. its hard for me to stop i've been trying to stop this kind of behavior since january of 2024 but i just can't get it out

this is the reason why i'm hesitant to go on vacation. ia will 99% update during july 5th to the 24th. i will not be able to make content during that time. other people will upload and get so much attention and ill be completely locked away from that time..

how do i stop this??? how the hell do i improve myself.. i can't.. im prioritizing something on the internet instead of my own personal life.. i.. i don't know what to think anymore.. i don't know anything im bad at problem solving whenever i have a problem like this i just don't know the solution and i let it stay for so long..

you know maybe im just a terrible person after revealing all of this stuff you guys probably have a different perspective about me now.. you'll probably tell me im a bad kind of person i didnt even know i was in the comments..